Chapter Seventeen

Death is life’s answer to the question “Why?” - Graffito

Chapter 17

In a stunning display of each modern government’s complete inability to act reasonably, total war had broken out world wide. Every country was busily invading every other country, despite the fact that the only casualties suffered in any given place were buildings and military equipment. The soldiers were all just fine, if perhaps a little better ventilated than they had been previously.

As such, it was no longer unusual to encounter a gun battle on one’s way to work. The evening news shows were full of details about the war effort, as well as the amazing cessation of death. No one had died in a hospital, on a battlefield or, really, anywhere for a couple of weeks.

James and Jill arrived at the lab a little late that Tuesday morning. All the tires had been shot on both of their cars, and the buses had stopped running because the city could no longer afford to replace windows and tires.

As they approached the door to the office, they saw it had been kicked in sometime prior to their arrival. The two of them rushed inside, perhaps foolishly, to see what damage had been done, and if anything critical was missing.

Two of the lab techs were sitting in the reception area playing a game of gin rummy.

“Hi,” one of them said. “The lab equipment and chemicals are all gone. They left the computers though, and didn’t touch any of the filing cabinets.”

Well, that answers the important questions, James thought. As long as their lab notes and results were OK, everything else could be recreated with ease.

“Are you the only two here?” Jill asked the lab techs.

“Yep. I hope you don’t mind, but we took the liberty of sending the rest of the crew home. We volunteered to hang out until you showed up, since neither of you could be bothered to turn your cell phones on this morning.”

James took out his phone and discovered that it was, indeed, off. He turned it on and saw they had tried to call several times.

“Sorry about that,” James said. “So is everyone OK? No one got hurt did they?”

“Nope. Tina arrived first this morning and saw the door bashed in. She didn’t go inside until the rest of us arrived. No one was in here when we came in.”

“Good,” James said. He was about to send the lab techs home as well, since there really wasn’t anything for them to do - the lab and office were surprisingly tidy for having been through a break in - when he heard the phone in his office ringing. “Uh, excuse me a minute.”

James walked quickly to his office and answered the phone.

“James, you’re not going to believe this!” said the voice on the other end of the line. It was one of the investors. He had been keeping close tabs on the drug testing process, eager to get the new product into the hands of salespeople as soon as possible.

“It had better be pretty awesome news to cheer me up,” James said. “Our labs have been broken in to, and the thieves made off with all of our chemicals and lab equipment.”

“That sucks! We’ll cut you a check to get some replacements as soon as possible.”

James couldn’t believe he’d heard that; the investors never said “Well, we’ll just cut you a check.” He listened more attentively.

“So, what’s the good news then?” James asked.

“Your drug has already been approved for sale!” the investor practically shouted. “I can’t believe it! We can get to work right away!”

“You have to be joking!” James said. “It takes years to get through the testing process.”

“Apparently they expedited the process for you.”

“How did they manage that?”

“I don’t know! Maybe it’s due to the war. Maybe it’s because they figure you can’t kill anyone. The important thing is that we’re all about to become very, very rich. A bit of market research has shown that people are, in fact, interested in a male birth control pill, as well as a cure for cancer.”

No shit, Sherlock, thought James. What he said, however, was, “That’s fantastic!”

The two of them discussed a couple of minor things, then James hung up the phone and went out to tell everyone the good news. He went into the lobby where Jill was now also playing gin rummy with the lab techs.

“You guys aren’t going to believe this! We’ve already completed testing and been approved to start production!”

Jill and the lab techs looked at him blankly for a minute, then erupted into cheers.

“I can’t believe it,” Jill said. “This is too fast.”

“I guess they figure we can’t really kill anybody, so there’s no problem.”

“Woah,” Jill said.

“Yeah, I know. So, I say we lock this place up as well as we can and call it a day,” James said.

“What about all our lab gear? Aren’t you going to call the police?” one of the techs said.

“Nah. The investors are going to give us the money to replace the missing equipment and supplies. I doubt the police are going to find any of our gear anyway,” James said.

“Don’t you want to cover your ass? What if the people who stole our lab are using the equipment to make crystal meth?”

“Have you noticed the shooting and constant explosions around here lately?” James asked. “I think they’re going to be a little preoccupied with that kind of stuff right now.”

“Still,” the tech said.

“Don’t worry about it. Everything is going to be alright.” James said.

“I very much doubt that,” the tech said.

“I kind of agree,” Jill said. “The right person could use that equipment to make a lot of nasty stuff. Haven’t you noticed the people walking around carrying bits of themselves? It doesn’t look pleasant. Just because you’re not dead doesn’t mean you can’t be severely injured or sickened. I’d hate to feel responsible for that if some wise ass used our gear to make bombs, or something.”

James hadn’t considered that possibility. “Yeah, OK, I’ll call the police.”

He took out his phone and called the local police station. The call lasted all of thirty seconds.

“Police,” said a tired voice on the other end of the line. It sounded as though the person speaking hadn’t slept for more than an hour in three days.

“Uh, yes, this is James King. I’m here at my office and our laboratory equipment and chemicals have all been stolen.”

“That sure does suck, Mr. King. I’ll tell the boys to keep their eyes peeled for lab glass and chemicals while they’re out there trying to maintain some kind of order around here,” the officer said.

“Uh. OK. Thanks,” James said and ended the call. “Well, we let them know,” he said to Jill and the techs.

“That had to be the fastest theft report ever taken,” Jill said.

“Yeah, he seemed really concerned about it. So, what do you say we all go see if the mexican place down the street is open for lunch? My treat!” James said.

James found a length of chain and a padlock in the trunk of his car. He felt it was good to be prepared and his trunk reflected that value; there was a wide array of useful items hiding in there. He and one of the lab techs muscled the door back into place and chained it shut as well as they could. Then the four of them set off in search of a decent plate of nachos.