Chapter Thirty

The nearer she came to death, the more, by some perversity of nature, did she enjoy living. – Ellen Glasgow

Chapter Thirty

In any given room of James’s house in L.A., there could be found one or more people snorting cocaine off various parts of the body of yet another person. It was the third day of the party, and James was having a hard time remembering which, if any, of these people he’d invited to his house.

A blond woman wearing a halter top sat down on the couch next to him.

“Hey, you’re the guy that invented that cancer pill right?”

“Well, I invented the male birth control pill, but yeah, it cures cancer.”

“Wow. You must be really smart. Is this your house?”

“Yep.”

“It’s nice. What are you thinking letting all these people come over and tear it up?”

“I like the share what I have?”

“Oooh, you’re nice too! Well, I’ve got something nice for you!”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah!” She wiggled a little paper packet out of the hip pocket of her jeans and opened it up. There was a crystalline white powder inside. She leaned back on the couch and poured the powder in her cleavage. “Come and get some!”

It took less than half a second for James to decide that, yes, this was in fact a very good idea. He buried his face in the nameless blonde’s chest and snorted a nosefull of cocaine.

POW. The fireworks went off in his head within seconds. It had definitely been a good choice. The blond giggled.

“You like?”

“Oh yeah, I like a lot,” James said.

“Good. You want to get into some more trouble?”

And so it was that James ended up driving the Corvette he’d gotten to replace the Lotus along the coast of California shortly before dawn at one hundred miles per hour, his brain thrumming from the coke, and his dick thrumming from the unbelievable blowjob the blond girl was giving him. The radio blared the Ramones as they drove. When he came, the blond sat up again and said, “Yum.”

Can life possibly get better than this? James wondered.

They arrived back at James’s house about thirty minutes later. No one seemed to have noticed they’d been gone for two hours. The cocaine had worn off, and James was started to feel a little tired.

“OK, stud, take me to your bedroom,” the blond said.

“Say, what’s your name?” James said.

“Tiffani with an i. Why?”

“I’m kind of tired, Tiffani,” James said. “I’m not sure I can handle much more of you without some rest.”

“Well, lucky for you I’ve got some more marching powder right here.” She patted her hip pocket. “It’s in there pretty deep, though. You might have to help me work it out.”

James marveled again at his incredible luck.

Tiffani took his hand. “Lead the way, tiger.”

Three hours later, James woke up from a blissful sleep with some very pleasant memories of the immediate past, which was nice, and two sleeping, naked women with him in his bed, which was better. Although his lust was not far behind, for the moment he simply felt warm, comfortable and very happy in between a blond and another blond.

Next to him, Tiffani with an i stirred and looked at him.

“Hey, you’re supposed to be sleeping,” she said, quietly.

“I’m suddenly feeling very refreshed and invigorated.”

“I bet you are, you devil,” Tiffani said.

She then asked him a question which caught him completely off-guard.

“So is this where you thought you’d end up after accidentally inventing a cure for cancer? Throwing parties and having sex with people whose names you don’t know?”

“What?” James asked. He tried to wrap his head around the question, but the shift from yummy skin bliss to life goals was a little too abrupt.

“Well, not that there’s anything wrong with big parties and lots of sex. I’m all for both of those. I’m just surprised that a guy who came up with a cure for cancer would be interested in such things. I’d expect something a little more cerebral.”

“Accidentally found a cure for cancer. I was looking for male birth control, for what it’s worth.”

“Did you ever notice the guys with condoms in their wallets usually aren’t getting any? I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with searching for male birth control but, well, inventing a new medicine is inventing a new medicine. Medicines usually don’t get discovered by guys hosting cocaine orgies.”

“Did this turn into an orgy?”

“Yes.”

“Oh. See, I thought it was just a big party gone entirely right for a change.”

“You’re dodging my question. Did you think you’d end up here?”

Back when James had started working on finding a male birth control pill, he’d thought he would make some money from it, sure. But mainly, he thought he’d be saving the world a lot of pain and trouble. After all, if the man and the woman were both using birth control methods, then the probability of an unexpected kid was pretty much zero. He figured it would give men some more responsible control of their own reproductive status - no more stories of holes poked in condoms or “oops, I forgot to take the pill.” And, hell, if the condom broke, a kid would be the least of the couples worries.

So he’d certainly expected to make a bit of cash. He didn’t however, expect to end up having parties where he didn’t know the names of half the guests. He didn’t expect to crash his car into some guy’s dining room. And he really didn’t ever expect, you know, two women at the same time.

And that is all overlooking the fact that every single day he didn’t end dead absolutely amazed him.

“No, I guess this isn’t really where I thought I’d be,” James said. “How about you?”

“Oh. Yeah. I figured I’d end up sleeping with rich guys,” Tiffani said. “My parents pretty much guaranteed that when they named me Tiffani. Especially with an i at the end.”

James laughed.

“So where did you think you would end up, then?”

“I dunno. I thought I’d make a little money, invest most of it in reasonable funds and bonds, maybe get a Cadillac, fall in love with my soulmate and live happily ever after.”

“Wow. You sure fucked that one up,” Tiffani said.

“Yeah, I guess,” James said. He fell silent then. He really had fucked things up. Jill was awesome, and he’d blown her off for flashing lights and sluts. She’d been nice to him when practically no one was nice to him. Now she was somewhere up on the Oregon coast in her secret compound guarded by ninjas, and he was in L.A. with a bunch of people he couldn’t pick out of a line up.

And he hadn’t worked in months. Sure, he’d show up at the office once or twice a week, and tell everyone they were doing a great job, but he didn’t even really know what the hell they were working on, or what the next big goal was.

James suddenly felt very, very low. Tiffani saw his face fall.

“Oh. Oh, hey, I didn’t mean to bum you out. I was just asking was all,” she said.

“Nah, it’s OK,” James said.

“Well, I know we haven’t known each other very long, but then, we have had a lot of crazy monkey sex over the last few hours, so why not share a little intimacy before what’s her name with the perfect 36 Cs over there wakes up?”

James smiled slightly, “OK.”

Tiffany lifted her self up off the bed a little bit and perched herself on her elbows. The covers fell back revealing perfect skin leading down to the small of her back. She looked deeply into James’s eyes, and asked him a question.

“So what are you going to do now that you know you’re not where you want to be, but that you have the means to match your will?”